fuck you.
Of course I fell for you. I’ve always fallen for guys like you. Guys that are charmers, that will act as if they can see the potential in me to become something great. That will bail out and say that I need to find my own path.
You know what? Fuck you. I recognize the same pattern now. You’re just one of those. One of those guys that I like because they don’t quite like me as I am. Because I didn’t use to quite like me as I am. But I came to accept me now.
Your negativity gets fucking boring though. I’d rather hang out with people that tell me that there’s nothing wrong with me, because that’s way more uplifting and encouraging than hearing what’s wrong with me. Hearing that I’m okay is way better than hearing that I’m not.
I don’t even know what you’re trying to do… but you fail.
I know who I am. I know I am imperfect. I know I never will be perfect. And I definitely don’t need to be around people that remind me of that constantly. Because perfection is impossible to attain. I came to terms with that and you haven’t, and you’re making me feel guilty about your own unwillingness to accept that fact. So FUCK YOU.
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you will meet him…
And the answer to your question is: There’s absolutely nothing wrong with you, he just doesn’t like you like that. It’s not your fault. You are a wonderful person… but… life just doesn’t always play out in a way that you can be happy at that moment. But you will find the right person… true love will find you, trust me. And until then, you should find happiness in the little things. Or try to. That’s what I do, you know. You will find the right person though, and he will love you so much that he will want to apologize that you didn’t meet him before.
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i’ve heard about these men…
I’ve heard about these men -I’ve even talked to them- the men that treat women right. I’ve heard them talk about their girlfriends and about how they love them and prove it on a daily basis. It must be nice to have someone like that. A man you can count on to still be there when you wake up. I wouldn’t know. I wish I would… but I cannot even imagine it, although I have a very vivid imagination. I am almost certain that you will not be there for me, because now I know that you just don’t like me like that, and neither does he, and that guy over there does, but it’s not mutual. These are thoughts that I always have. I don’t know how to shake them. What is it about me that makes me a girl who hasn’t ever had a guy that loved her? I know I am not worthless but… am I self-sabotaging? Should I settle for a nice guy because he is nice, even if I don’t have feelings for him? No. That would be the absolute worst. Every person should be loved and I am not going to be with someone that I don’t have those feelings for, because that’s not fair with him. He could be with someone that loves him. I just get so discouraged of knowing that so far for me, true love has been nothing more than a fantasy
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the one i’m looking for
If I’d be a guy, and I’d meet this girl, that I am, I would not let her get away because I would be afraid that there’s only one of her in the world. And right now, she is sitting next to you, and you are letting her go, and that alone opened my eyes to how different we are and how different you are from what I need and what I’m looking for.
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“…I couldn’t sleep last night because I know that it’s over between us. I’m not bitter anymore, because I know that what we had was real. And if in some distant place in the future we see each other in our new lives, I’ll smile at you with joy and remember how we spent the summer beneath the trees, learning from each other and growing in love. The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds, and that’s what you’ve given me. That’s what I hope to give to you forever. I love you. I’ll be seeing you…”
The Notebook
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Happiness
Its over, its really over. You’ve moved on, and its time for me do so as well. You’ve made your choice. You made your choice a while ago. I just kept holding onto the hope that you’d somehow realize that you made a mistake, and that you missed me. But i haven’t given you the chance to miss me. Nor do I really want you to give us another chance. We live on two entirely quadrants, with our lines matching at certain points and then dispersing in opposite directions. Its funny to realize now, it really is. It brings me to the harsh reality that its really over, for good. That most likely, we will never be together again. We had our time, our small glimpse of happiness, and then it ended, like a shooting star that eventually burned out.
You chose her, the first night you told me about her, I was so jealous, and I will admit, I am still jealous. Because, of course, no ex girlfriend would be extatic that her ex boyfriendhas moved on, and been hanging out with some other girl at 2:30a. on a Friday night.. When you tell me these things, all I can think of is how that once was us, we were those people, having fun at 2:30a. after the bars in our drunken escapades. Memories, like film, come to an end, they are temporary and they have a beginning, a middle, and an end, and you either make sequels or cut production as a whole. That was us, we were a movie that went straight to DVD, and skipped the theater premiere. and that’s it. its over, the final credits have been played, and there is no sequel. The black screen has a title that pops up “Fin” - it is finished, its really over.
So this is it, its not the same looking at you, I dont have those same feelings, they’re gone. I woke up this morning and they were gone. I had no urge to call you or text you, or even wonder if you made it to class or not. You are your own person, you made the decision to give me a piece of my heart back. I need to remind myself of that. Why in my right mind would I keep putting myself through that constant rejection and heartbreak, watching you txt her, smile when she txts you? I know you aren’t THAT busy during the day, yet you don’t have time to text me. That should tell me something, that I”m not on your mind. Someone has taken my place, as well as they should. You deserve to be happy, as do I. It is unfair for me to be jealous of you for hanging out with other girls when I have been hanging out with other guys since we broke up. There are some things that I really miss about you, and sometimes, I jsut want to hang out with you and have it just be us, but it will never be that way again, unfortunately. The next one will be better, better than you. I deserve that, and you do too.
I want you to be happy, I really do. But I need you to know, that I deserve to be happy too. I don’t want to know the details of your new life, so please spare me the pain. All the nitty gritty details are meaningless to me now, and just cause me pain. Maybe someday we can have that kind of friendship, the one where you can tell each other almost anything, but you aren’t that person for me anymore, as much as I wish that you could be, and I am no longer that person for you. You tell her everything now, and I am an outsider. I don’t like being on the outside, it sucks. But thats alright. Its as it should be.
I can’t look at you the same way and want to just hug you and kiss you. I don’t have that same urge anymore. Its weird. You’re just another boy to me now. The difference is that you had my heart, and then you gave it back, well partially. I never got it entirely back nor will I ever. That is just part of life. So here I am, an outsider, to remain an outsider forever in your life.
I can’t be that nice to you anymore, I just can’t. Thats why I’ve been a bitch lately. I can have myself being nice to you because I’m afraid I’ll fall for you again, and I can’t allow myself to be hurt again by you.
So here it is, the final goodbye.
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“Real, sane, mature love—the kind that pays the mortgage year after year and picks up the kids after school—is not based on infatuation but on affection and respect”
Elizabeth Gilbert
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“A true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you
everything that’s holding you back, the person who brings you to your own
attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most
important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and
smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever. Nah. Too painful.
Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself
to you, and then they leave. And thank God for it”
Elizabeth Gilbert, ‘Eat, Pray, Love’
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